Ask Nudie Lee: Nudism Is Ruining My Marriage

| March 21, 2014 | 6 Comments

Nudie Lee On Marriage, Nudism and the Importance of Communication

Nudism is Ruining My Marriage By Nudie Lee:

This week’s question comes to us from our sister website, Ask A Nudist.

Q.
I have been a social nudist for several years, but I’ve been hiding it from my wife and kids. So far I’ve been able to spend a few weekends (this year a whole week!) every summer at nude beaches or clubs by lying to my wife.

I KNOW my wife would not join me in nudism for religious reasons (trust me on this). I don’t want to choose between continuing the lies or giving up nudism so I’m thinking about divorce. Our marriage has many other problems anyway and there is not much love there.

I feel guilty about putting the kids through this of course but I don’t feel able to deny or hide such an important part of myself as nudism for years to come.

A.
The first mistake made in this relationship was lying about your true self. If nudism was an important part of your life, it should have been shared with your partner.

Even if your wife isn’t a nudist and wouldn’t have joined you in social nudity for her personal religious reasons (true to her self), she might have come to understand and accept your nudist ways.

Lies are like a cancer, they spread.

Nudism Is Ruining My Marriage by Nudie Lee

Nudism Is Ruining My Marriage – The difficult decision of getting a divorce because you’re a nudist.

It is also important to separate your desire of nudism with the other issues in your relationship. Don’t forget that by omitting this huge part of your life, you didn’t give your wife the chance to accept you as a nudist, or not. Assuming always leads down the wrong path.

I truly hope that you will be able to find a way to happiness. When kids witness happy parents, as a unit or as two separate individuals, they end up as more stable human beings.

Nudie Lee

Have a question about love or dating for Nudie Lee?
Send her an email:
asknudielee (at) gmail (dot) com

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Published by Young Naturists and Nudists America YNA

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Category: Naked Dating Advice

About the Author ()

Part-time writer, part-time barista, and highly opinionated, Nudie Lee bursts onto the scene! Forged in a far-off land of frigid temperatures, large vicious animals, and universal health care, she is here to help with all of your dating and relationship questions.
  • ErikJakobsen

    I’m actually going to take issue with both Nudie Lee AND the OP.

    First, Nudie Lee – we know very well that there is an entire segment of nudists who fall into the category of “Nudist with Unwilling Partner”. And unless I missed a memo, I was under the impression that we are supportive of these people.

    We don’t judge them for engaging in an activity that we promote, just because their spouse/partner/significant other doesn’t want to.

    We also don’t require them – at least the last time I checked – to inform their spouse/partner/significant other of said participation. As long as someone is following the generally-accepted nudie rules while practicing nudism, then good on them. If they want to keep that a secret from their spouse/partner/significant other, that’s their business.

    It’s not easy being a nudist. It is a practice that much of society looks upon as the worst kind of sexual deviance. And it’s even more difficult being a nudist with an unwilling significant other. As humans, we tend to partner up while we’re young. If you were a nudist before finding a partner, you might want to “put it away” so as not to scare off the person who might be “the one”. Or maybe you discover nudism after you’ve already found a partner. You probe the waters a bit, only to discover that he/she isn’t interested. Then what? What if you really like your partner, but your partner frowns upon nudism? Is that worth ditching him/her for? Every case is different, which is why I think it’s a mistake to condemn anyone simply for not telling their partner about being a nudist.

    As to the original post – I think that particular marriage already has issues outside of nudism. And the same question applies – is nudism alone really a reason to ditch your partner? If you’re a nudist with an unwilling partner, you have two choices – break up, or get your nudist activities in wherever and whenever you can. I suppose you have a third choice, which is tell your partner straight out that you want to engage in nudist activities, thereby “seeking their permission”. But then you need a plan for what to do if they say “no”.

  • naturistasif

    Huh, I also left my GF for this reason. I thought she will appreciate my life-style. I tried hard and soul to convert her into a Naturist. And I failed.

    She took a lots my my photos in Nature. But I couldn’t remove her stupid Shyness. I realized that her mentality is ”DIFFERENT” than mine. I don’t wanna force her anymore. I failed. And I said goodbye, forever. Why? Because I can realize that, She’ll not be happy with me in future.

    @Nudie Lee, LIFE IS SHORT, so Enjoy the LIFE! Don’t ruin your present for ”SOMEONE”, who has NO respect or feelings for you. Whose mentality is different than yours. Remember, “Nothing is much pleasant than living a Clothes-Free life in Nature”.
    God Bless You.

  • EricJr

    Don’t blame nudism for your impending divorce.
    Nudism is the least of your problems.
    You have other problems,including the lies you told your family, that contributed to your current state. 
    It was just convenient to blame nudism.
    Like you said…
    >>Our marriage has many other problems anyway and there is not much love there.
    Story:
    For many years, Joe has been driving his car with “Check Engine” light on. Also, he has been having minor problems starting his car in the morning and shifting gears. Even with all these problems, Joe can still get errands done and get from point A to point B.
    One day, Joe had a flat tire. He pulled over the shoulder and replaced the flat tire with a spare from the trunk. After replacing the tire, he went inside his car and tried to start the engine. Whoa! “What’s going on?” Joe asked. His car won’t start. He opened the hood to see if something got loose. Maybe, he can fix it. After sometime of poking around, he gave up. He didn’t know what to do anymore, so Joe walked all the way home.
    Joe’s wife saw him, as he was approaching the house. She ran to Joe and with a concerned voice asked “What happened Joe? Where’s our car?”.  Joe, exhausted from his long trek, shook his head from side to side, wiped the sweat from his face and said “It’s over. Flat tire broke the car”.

  • stonetones58

    I would say, let your wife in on your secret. You may not end up having to file the divorce. One, she just might accept you anyway, or she may make the choice for you. Either way, your mind is clear and you need not agonize over making a choice.

  • jochanaan

    The questioner needs to tell his wife NOW! If he tells her before she finds out he lied, he still might salvage something of the most vital relationship of his life. And if he is a Christian and believes that God led him to naturism–many of us do–he has a love-duty to share it with her; that’s Biblical wisdom. I pray he heeds this. Naturism isn’t worth abandoning a marriage. And he might be surprised at how many formerly reluctant spouses become the most fervent converts!

  • MarkPartin

    The title for this “Nudism Is Ruining My Marriage” is just wrong.  From reading what he wrote, nudism isn’t any part of his marriage.  He has never brought it up with his wife, so there’s no way it could be a contributing factor in ruining his marriage.  If his marriage is ruined, it sounds like it’s from other issues.